Tuesday, 5 January 2021

JACK TARR KNOCKED THE RIVET OUT O’ HER IRONS

 

            Soon as our transport rolled an pitched out o’ Plymouth

the tars turned a blind eye to those hot-arsed wenches under hatches

            For gone we was   off the hooks   to foreign parts despatched

A midshipman knocked the rivet out her irons, my Meg I snatched

So as to doss down close aboard o’ the gangway’s hurry-scurry

 

Quick sticks on the lower decks    our barque a school of Venus

Rum doxies in a muck o’ sweat    warming-pans for prisoners

Scurvy curs joined giblets with fubsy poxed-up cats

While tarry breeks cared not a joy bout the spats of tarts

 

All them loose lags went a prowlin for mutton pork poultry quail

Me  I seeked my virgin pullet    a game un what craved tail

So methought to take a turn amid her frills below Love lane

Nug an smuggle up    neat as sixpence    my fortune’s gain

 

Every man jag o’ em grabbled him an amorosa to swyve or take wyf

Even if she be unfurnished in the garret  or swivel-eyed dirty drab

Or scab or sorry slattern.  Odds bodikins, no double-dugged scrub!

 

So no hot whim to go a-girlin but face and brace to favour her

Lest she be assigned to a government labourer or settler’s scourer

Cos Meg is no forward wench   i’faith  more rags than ribbons

No fly-by-night   no trapse   no loose i the rump wanton

Rather a fancy piece  no Judy to fob me off or faddle with my heart

 

Therefore did I screeve a billy-do for my canary   what seemed sweet on me

Meg has smote me under the fifth rib   not a jaw-me-dead but jem

For I wished to be swished   cuffed together as twere

I fell arsy-varsy    up in the boughs in amours  

                                                  two lifers marinated in chummage

 

Michael Small  January 6, 2021 

Monday, 13 August 2018

MAJOR FOVEAUX’S CRINKUM CRANKUM


This hell-fire Major cusses me with devilry, calls me Hell-hag;

            when e’s less fiery-tempered, then its ‘mort’ or ‘bat’ or ‘baggage’.

 

            His name?  Foveaux, a right whoremonger, makes me skin crawl

            E’d threaten to buss me rump n truss me up to them dread Triangles

 

            Thursday nights on Norfolk, us trollops perform in the barracks

Dances of the Mermaids where the sojers swarm with rum or arrack

 

            Foveaux pisses hisself seein how us molls swoon and fret n turn white

            so fearful iz us to spare the pain n blushes that we must bare our privates

 

            Yeah, e’s goatish.  Iz joy iz curryin hide n threatens any piece o’ mutton

            or means to break a lance with a bit o hair or bit o’ muslin

 

            I’d wish one day ter see im dance upon nothin, big peepers poppin out

            iz tongue too.  I’d dash iz brains, lash iz buttocks n smack iz foul mouth

 

            Coz us molls shrink like mice, he’d make whores of us wenches, one n all

            shiverin with fear afore the goggle-eyed coves and cracking cat o nine tails

 

            One of us naked morts is always trussed up to the triangle with dread

            As the mad dog flogger fingers iz tails and whips yer flesh to mess o blood

 

I’m no flash piece o mutton, but knows in me heart the slow burn of dander

            dancin naked n jigglin afore this braggart bully, this ogling Pandar

 

            When Major Bawd orders, ‘Gill-flirts, wiggle-wiggle!  Let’s see some scut!’

            a sinister smile curls iz lips when he realises our agony, our fear o the rut

           

            Fuddled and pickled, the devil to pay, our line o tarts begins to sway

            Then wiggle navels n act hot-arsed else Major Bawd’d flail away

 

            ‘Take the starch out o reg’lars n lags!  Stoke the embers and inflame the lads!’

            cries that gloating blackguard Foveaux, the Devil’s bodyguard, egad!

 

            Or iz larruping mad-dog flogger, iz lickspittle, would lay yer back open

            leavin it quiverin a bloody mess o’ switches, weals, stings n lacerations

 

Remember lurchin at sea nine months?  Flyin the red flag reg’lar, more sicknin than flyin

from the redcoats with their own rector of the women prickin

 

                                                                                                Michael Small

July 12-July 26, 2018

 

Joseph Foveaux (1767-1846), born and died in England, was a competent soldier and administrator in colonial New South Wales.  In 1800 he offered to serve as Lieutenant Governor on Norfolk Island, where his sadistic reputation was more questionable.

Friday, 20 July 2018

‘THE BITTER BREAD OF BANISHMENT’ (Henry Savery)


Henry Savery (1791-1842) is the author of the first novel written on Australian soil, Quintus Serviton (1830-1).  Only three copies are known to exist today.  In his last years he bought a farm, was permitted one or two assigned servants and granted a conditional pardon.  Again he fell into debt and forged bills to repay money owed.  He was sent to Port Arthur, where he died on February 6, 1842 and was buried on the Isle of the Dead.I am tried relentlessly but can endure no longer.  O how I have tasted of the lees of affliction!  My mind sundered adrift by stormy blasts and wavering tempest-tossed.  I bow my close-shorn head, shackled in despair.  Our nuptial bond has fallen apart, as I have, and am judged a double convict in two distant lands.

As God is my witness, I flew too close to the sun at the time I was serving  my apprenticeship in the business of sugar refining in Bristol.  When I was given charge of the account-books, temptation for easy money was  too   much.  Just quietly, I learned how to counterfeit bills.  I was ever a good learner.  Shamed to say, foraging among trustees’ signatures I did indeed forge my way, till I was found out and declared bankrupt at the Commercial Rooms.  With debts weighing a millstone round my neck, what else could I do but plead guilty upon the advice of the magistrate?  As a consequence, I can speak nothing but ill of such testy, unforgiving men and the straitjacket of the law, for I was condemned to death for telling the truth!  Where in the name of God   Almighty is the meed of justice?

Flying up in a passion of anger, I vowed to flee to America.  Alas, without more ado, I took leave of my aggrieved wife Eliza, who shed such bitter tears.  ‘Why are you abandoning us?’ she wailed, bunching up folds of her apron with angry fists.  Even more miserable was the pitiful sight of my young son Henry, who fell a-whimpering for his mother, bewildered by the whole scene, which occasioned such dreadful panic within me.  Yet to save my own skin, I felt obliged to cut my cable and flee to a new world.  With that in mind, I set forth on the scrounge in a south-easterly direction toward the south downs and island of Wight. There, moored alongside the docks of Cowes, I espied a likely ship bound for my Promised Land, the Hudson, which was victualled up and ready to raise anchor.  I sneaked aboard and hid close of the gangway, a runaway both hunted and haunted.  Liberty at last, I reckoned!  And breathed a heavy sigh of relief. 

Yet within a mere half-hour of setting sail, alarm bells rang in my ears!  Piercing cries shouting my name!  I well nigh fainted.  The watchies had pursued me, recognised me!  In urgent need of jumping overboard, I went a-floundering with heaving desperation, before they hauled me aboard, a captive once more.  I freely admitted guilt, but for why?  Godamercy, I was sentenced to hang even so!  Which shook the very ghost into me.  Taken into custody a second time, I fell into a pit of such despondency and despair that I leapt over the side for the mercy of Davy Jones’s chest-lid.  Splashing around in a frenzy of anger and frustration, I fell to dashing my head against the bulwarks.  I knew not what to do but hope to drown.

My mind blacked out for some while, so when I recovered my wits I sensed that a gang of tars and watchies must have snitched me from the water’s icy grip, for I knew not how to swim.  What I do remember clearly was my second appearance at Bristol assizes.  There I pleaded guilty, for I had in mind before me the example of one Henry Fauntleroy, a London banker turned forger of signatures; trust funds, to be more particular.  Such documents provided for him a life of lust and luxury.  When I learned that he was strung up on a gibbet, notwithstanding his admission of guilt and presenting favourable references from supporters, I suffered fits of the shakes, mortified by anguish and shame.  What hopes!

As matters turned out, my own judgement was commuted on the very day appointed on what should have been my final shaming on Tyburn tree.  Lo and behold, with the fear of death upon me, transportation suddenly beckoned!  I was saved from ignominy!  But no, my hopes were soon dashed, as I realised the significance of such a foolish venture that signified a fate far worse than death!  Anyways, I was destined never to clap eyes on my jewel of a wife, Eliza and young Henry ever again!  Or so I thought.

I cannot describe the terrors of that endless sea voyage on the Medway.  Fogged in mind, panic even, wavering between steepling swells of crested combers and plunging into yawning troughs, hearts heaved into mouths parched dry, bodies flung and bruised battened down.  Finally, after six long months, one hundred and seventy-three of us soaked, weary wretches scarred with stripes fetched up at Hobart Town in December, 1825.

Thanks to my schooling and manner of speaking, I was promptly given work as clerk in the office of the Colonial Secretary, situated next to the Colonial Treasurer.

So there you have it:  my life ‘s course has lurched from the press of business to press man with the Hobart Mercury, from Bristol sugar refinery to the refinement of language in this new south land.  ‘Tis my misfortune to have fallen in with a rum mob of felons . . . fallen ones.
Leastwise, my own tongue is not defiled.  I speak of pounds and pence as money or currency, not ‘blunt’.  Indeed, I was marked a Sterling gentleman convict, now a servant of the Crown, not an incorrigible, nut-brown Currency lag working in irons.  I was assigned to the Colonial Treasurer, on account of knowing my letters as an educated man from a grammar school, not an eddicated sharper from the school of hard knocks.  So became a scribbler in confidential affairs of government, albeit under the guise of the assumed name of Simon Stukely.  As such, I authored Sketches of Hobart Life under the title of The Hermit in Van Diemen’s Land.

O my god, how I have I paid in those sketches for my barbs against that durned tyrant, Governor Arthur and his cronies, who durst call me out for a Grub Street hack.  But I yearned to cut a shine, a figure true to life, not mere flights of fancy.  My moral tale, Quintus Serviton, is novel, but not fiction, for books are moral maps of human kind.  Hence it is a tale drawn close to mine own life, a story unfettered.  I use no flash tongue, nor vulgar cant.  Fiction I saved for my account-books, fictitious bills and counterfeit signatures . . .

My dear wife Eliza, mine own angel, stayed steadfast and three years after my taking leave, in 1828, she rejoined me in Tasmania.  O sweet heaven, what a flutter of excitement our reunion!  Mercifully, she too had escaped drowning from the wreck of the Jessie Lawson just off the English coast, so was obliged to delay a further three months before acquiring a berth on the Henry Wellesley with young Henry.

Our love re-kindled and flamedbut all too briefly snuffed!  Alas, it was scarcely a week before I was hearing whispers, such hideous rumours that inflamed my attempt at suicide.  I sensed I was riding for a heavy fall, a chilling sickness in my breast, when I myself was witness to Eliza, like some fancy-piece, hanging on the arm of the newly appointed Attorney-General, Algernon Montagu, a pompous popinjay, who had accompanied her as a kind of avowed protector on the five-month voyage out and was clearly posturing to win her favour.  No doubt, he had smudged after her.  Was my wife quaffing with that durned magistrate?  Aye, too right she was and is, that scurvy scoundrel who hazes me before my own wife!  What say you to his breach of trust, this Janus?  Such a breach was insupportable, unbearable, utterly dishonourable.  O god, where is my deliverance?

A week after the arrival of my tarnished jewel, I vowed to cut my throat but was thrown into prison for my pains.  In a solitary lock-up, I was obliged to weigh my faults and follies.

Before her departure three months later, early in 1829, Eliza expressed her sorrows.  I was no longer the man she remembered and loved.  ‘Why are you still waiting for your ticket-of-leave?’ she protested, with a hint of malice  ‘After all these years.  Even now your destiny is prison-bound.  For how long, may I ask?  And will you never pay your dues?  Or will you feign debtor’s colic?’

I own I felt myself unworthy of her, but when a few months later I was handed my ticket-of–leave, I hastened to make amends and applied for Eliza to be brought out again.  Alas, I never received any word of reply, not a jot.  I was left sick at heart.

Fortune did seem to smile upon me once.  Now I bow my shaven head in grief.  The blade of shame cuts me to the strings of my heart.  The avocation of authoring is my solitary relief.

At last I am making a start on my octavo.  At least, I have a title:  Quintus Serviton.  A story unfettered . . .


To my great surprise, nay, to my great comfort, my mind’s eye eagerly conjures the picturesque landscape of south Devon, wherein a valley, a river gliding through pastures green and fertile, sometimes mired; winding past rocky cliffs and stands of oak in ancient woodland or shadowing tufted knolls above the narrow pathway; owls tooting in the eerie recesses of the antiquated church and woodpeckers chattering around the old forge relic in the heart of the village; cottages with tall chimney stacks rising from deep brown helmets of thatch sweeping down in a curve head-high nestle behind wicket gates, while honeysuckle and red roses ramble up and along the grey stonework.

And yet the joy of memory sours in silent tears.  The sylvan God of this ancient English landscape has a melancholy brow that wrings my heart, like the round of gunshots that brings a tumble of plump pheasants crashing down at the gamekeeper’s feet on a ground of hazel and holly.

                                                                                          Michael Small
May 31-July 5, 2018            

Thursday, 13 April 2017

BARK OF THE OLD SEA-DOGS



We sailed the bay and spied the heaven

We heaved the anchor and rowed the shore

We assured the blacks and offered the beads

We beat the drum and spoke the signs

We hauled the seyne and hid the intent

We pitched the tents and scrubbed the bush

We ached for scrubs, entreated the gins

We sank the gin and whetted the axes

We hacked the trees and dug the fences

We fended the blacks and sowed the seed

We seized the roos and caught the rays

We raised the flag and sought the pine

We pined for home but stole the land

We landed marines and imposed order

We ordered muskets and discharged thunder

We charged the spears and wreaked the dolour

We grabbed the dollars and bayed the sale


                                                Michael Small
August, 1990

pub. Journal of Australian Literature, July, 1991, Tripura University, 
Agartala, INDIA
  
pub. University of Windsor Review, Feb, 1992, CANADA

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

MOONDYNE JOE


Backalong i wuz a miner, a shaver with a sharp tongue

Anyways the beak in Brecon judged me mettlesome

 grub and bub, yer see

Snitched for three loaves, cheese and a flitch of bacon

Transported on the Pyrenees to WA for a measly ration


Where i nailed the swells’ montras, then fenced the goods

Wuz fenced by a thousand nails in the wooden quod

               aye, i wuz a prig, a fly prad-knapper

Borrowed the squatters’ prancers, duffed ‘n’ sold ‘em back

And cheeked it out with that bleddy beak in black


Boned in stone, bound in sleepers of redwood jarrah

Slanged up by me throttler to an iron bar wot’s narrer

               doing Fremantle time for bird lime

A ken where light was barred, guards locked out the air

But i wuz alway a bona bolter, a canny chancer rare                 


But in the yard the maggots got me bending me back

Cracking nuggety lumps not lugged away in sacks

                  stone-blind as bats, they wuz

For when i went a-ducking behind all that pile o’ rubble

i slung me hammer at limestone in the outer prison wall


In my cave of karst, i’m no more accussed

Moondyne i calls it, deep, dark and must

              certain, i’m cull of this ken

Dimpled chambers and cavities, cellars and ceils

Twixt overhang and potholes, i cool my heels


Neath this wide sky dome, by all that’s blue

i dread my doom, I’ll take what’s due
           
half-flash, half-foolish

‘Pon my pink patch of marl mid reddish scrub

Where horizon’s rim never ends, i sits ‘n’ grub


                                                            Michael Small
December 6-21, 2015



Joseph Johns, nicknamed Moondyne Joe, was born in Cornwall in the south-west of England.  Found guilty of burglary and stealing, he was transported to Western Australia in 1853.  He was imprisoned in Fremantle Gaol for horse-stealing, but escaped from hard labour to Moondyne Cave.  He possessed an argumentative nature and a talent for escaping the law.

Friday, 29 August 2014

DOUBLE-SLANGED



                                  
Slang  
                        fetters, double-slanged if both legs locked in chains
Slung
                        thrown into Newgate, the stone jug, for your pains  
Rook
                        stealing like a brazen, black bird of thieving nature
Rake               
                        a wastrel and pisspot affecting to cut a figure
Cull
                        a simpleton that pays for favours given
Cell
                        a stone cubby, dark and damp, with iron bars riven
Whit
                        where the Newgate nightingale sings high pitch                   
Whet
                        as if keening the blade to stick the snitch
Chive
                        filing away or sawing through chains and ring-bolts
Chafe
                        scars and sores rubbed black and blue by bracelets
Spell
                        wasting away in the lock-up, doing time ill-spent
Spiel   
                        gaming at cards, dice, prick the girdle . . . Repent!
Hull
                        the cull’s shell rotting in some rank hell-hole
Hulk
                        whose creaking bulk stores vermin in its hold
Flog
                        striping skin to saltback for bolters sought at large
Flag
                        shaking your fist in defiance at blackguards and lobsters in charge
Heap
                        ropeable measures of a prig’s misfortune
Hope
                        a lag’s vain pleas for mercy to importune
Sneak             
                        a boman prig showing off brain rather than brawn
Snake
                        a dissembling varlet, a sham Abraham, himself finally shorn
Lurk 
                        extorting money by false pretences, going on a racket
Lark
                        a frolic or game or rum fraud to cop a packet
Sweat
                        clipping coins for gold dust with nimble hooks
Sweet
                        a honey-tongued forger of queer screens cooking the books
Bind               
making fast the beak’s law or debt or shackles
Bound            
destined to bolt-in-tun with raised hackles
Mab                
a covey of slatterns working Covent Garden and Drury Lane
Mob                
                        among rabblings top dogs snarl and reign
Pop     
                        a pistol flashed by a prigger of prancers on the gallop
Pup     
                        a young popinjay with the affected airs of a fop
Croak
giving your dying speech from the crooked tree
Choke
breaking the neck, the hangman's quinsy                                                                                                           



                                                                                                  Michael Small
August 23-28, 2014
                       

Friday, 11 July 2014

THE CRACKSMAN



    

                Thomas Stacey, 1812-1864

            Thomas Stacey, a Londoner, gets his blunt at the best, as
he musters his bag of tools:  a centre-bit with brace,
gimlet, knife, chisel, phosphorous-box or phos,
crowbar to jemmy, five skeleton keys or false screws,
            a dark lantern with candle burning or glim-jack.
And reckons it's good upon the crack to break
into Jabez Woodhill’s jeweller's-crib for gems, sparklers
and rings to fake the cull while he’s out and do the trick.

            Cracking the chain containing the grate in Cannon Alley,
            Thomas lowers himself nimbly from ground floor to cellar.
But slour'd up against the stairs' landing stands the jigger.
Stacey tugs and shakes but wakes the staunch assistant,
John Smith, who rouses the snoozing slaveys in an instant.
Shop-lobber Guy Clarke is woken, peels his peepers,
witnesses Stacey heave out the cellar about to scarper.
'Watch!  Watch!' cries Clarke.  'Shut your shop!' mutters.
Thomas.  George Nichols, a fly watchman, hears the cry,
comes bang up to the mark and spies a crack halter,
a cracksman intending to bang-slang it, collars
and floors him hard by the cellar door.

Bowled out at last, the lime-juicer is shopped,
hobbled and led shame-faced to the roundy-ken to cop
the verdict.  'Guilty!' declares the beak.  The sentence: death.
Thomas must pay lagging dues; indeed, must pay the earth:
            confined on the John then setting sail for New South Wales.
                                           Cox’s River, 1833
            It lies along a dusty track, the Bathurst Road, this wooden
            jug just a blot or blur neath the boundless blue-domed horizon.
            Quartered in the stockade a gang of ironed lags in slops marked
            with broad arrow, surly scowls and salt-crusted backs scarred.
            Scarce two months pass afore Stacey takes to the bush, bolts
            with five renegades, two lairy lags and three crooked reds irate,
            disarming a sentry, seizing his musket, shot and bayonet.
            These bushrangers shake a settler’s house of needy grub,
            but are apprehended and charged with highway robbery.
            Stacey is pronounced prancer, dubbed crib-cracker, again
            absconds, is arrested and tickled fifty lashes for his pains.
            The cuffin-queer sentences the gang for life to Norfolk Isle.
            In the hulk’s cell they smuggle tools, undub their irons
            and by means of cutters sheer through the outer boards.
             In the waves below, a waiting boatswain clasping oars.
                                     Norfolk Island, 1834-54
             For twenty years the desperately reckless cove suffers torment
            on the isle, a long reign for an old file in solitary confinement,

            forced to endure three hundred lashes for being absent!
            Other charges include possessing tobacco, disobedience,
            refusing to work, robbery, possessing cards, insolence,
            absconding, having bootlaces, fighting, dishonest conduct,
            possessing tea and coffee, obscene language, neglect . . .
            And fifty lashes for not answering the guard.at night!
                                                                                  Michael Small
            June 30-July 8, 2014
Thomas Stacey was given his ticket-of-leave in 1858 and a conditional pardon in 1860.  He spent thirty-eight of his last forty-one years behind bars.